Doves and pigeons are so closely related they might as well be the same bird
when I see a pigeon I want to spit on it. when I see its feet, mangled into knots, I almost want to cradle it in my arms and whisper it’s okay babe but when I look into it eyes, I think it’s mocking me.
I’m not sure but maybe the turtledove and the mockturtle are the same animal.
I’m afraid that pigeons and seagulls will mate, and will overtake the earth, hopping stupidly on one leg.
I would like to cut off one leg of all of the pigeons in the world, and then all of the seagulls, and put them in a bag. I would like to thrust this bag towards a pigeon and say ‘here. you can’t trick me any more, you can’t pretend to have only one leg so i will feed you’.
on my walk home, like all my walks home, even if i’m drunk or if i’m not drunk, if i’m walking home from uni, or from the convenience store, buying coke, or garlic bread, or milk, or if i’m walking home from dinner at the pub, i will stop and stick my face into this growth of jasmine. i have never smelt anything more beautiful.
tonight, for the first night since walking past it, smelling, smiling, saying ‘fuck i love jasmine’, i pulled a bunch out, to walk home with.
i was so happy with myself, that i could take the smell home with me. except i shook the whole bush and a bat flew out. I yelled after it ‘i’m sorry’ but it didn’t know english.
I went to school with a boy who thought that seagulls were baby pelicans.
I laughed at him, but then thought in private, I have never actually seen a baby pelican, where are they?
Do they emerge from the egg fully sized? Do they just materialise in front of a cold, soggy chip?
I could never get enough close to a pelican to ask. Their eyes look painted on, empty, and i could never understand their intentions.
Maybe I would rip its gull if I got inside, like stretchy, thin tissue paper you could tear open with your teeth.
I have watched a pelican devouring fish, and it’s disgusting, they are gagging in reverse.
Magpies will remember the face of a hostile human, its family will continue to attack you long after the first magpie has gone.
I was swooped by a magpie when I was 12. I wonder what I had done. Do I have the face of an evil person? Are magpies up there, in their trees, gossiping about my ugly face?
I have always been afraid of birds, so I take it out on pigeons.